Personal Reflections

The journey to find my authentic self has also been the discovery of the person I innately am. She was lost in a sea of people pleasing and codependency. It has meant showing up to relationships differently. Loving people in a new way.

This last year has been intense for all of us. I’m not who I was before. There has been more unraveling and more healing.

At times it’s left me feeling selfish, rude, and unsettled. Those feelings are present because I am stepping out of my conditioned patterns and finally considering my self. It’s been both f*ing hard and exhilarating!

I used to drop what I was doing at a moment’s notice to help someone out. I still will if I don’t pause and think twice before responding. It’s uncomfortable to not become what I think people want or need. It was my norm for so long. It made me feel safe. Who I was, compared to who I am, is drastically different! My mind and body can testify to that, as can many people who observe me.

I have been intentional to practice self acceptance throughout the process. It’s been messy and unclear. I’ve contradicted myself as I figure out what the heck I think. Discovering what I like has been quite the task! If you have lived a life of being for everyone else, you know what I mean. 

For years I kept my opinion to myself because I feared the criticism and judgement I was so accustomed to receiving. I’ve felt the pressure on social media to choose sides and to take a stand regarding certain topics that I am simply not ready to talk about. I have given myself permission to take my time and to choose what I will talk about. If I allow myself to be pressured into certain conversations, I am inadvertently stepping back into people pleasing and codependency. Until I choose those conversations for my own reasons, I will stay quiet. 

I am honoring my journey, as complex as it might be, and calling it beautiful. I am learning what freedom feels like at a new level. I am becoming more at one with myself. 

I am learning to reparent my inner child. I’m helping her understand she deserves care just as much as everyone else. If what I share sounds selfish, it is. I am teaching myself how to receive before I give. Another layer of healing has come and even more is available!!

I have chosen to live oppositional to the religious background I was brought up in. Still, I experience Spirit in a profound way. I don’t disregard all I learned. What aligns, I have held onto. I’ve discovered Unconditional Love in a way that convinces me, I don’t need to be afraid. 

I am safe. I am open. I will hear. 

You are loved.

We are connected.

Be authentically your self ~ bold and beautiful. 

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