Codependency
My inner world was a mess! I didn’t even realize how restricted I was by the codependency I was living in. I just couldn’t seem to be OK if other people weren’t.
I intentionally worked on my own self, trying to become who I needed to be no matter how other people responded. But if was very hard… if whoever I was with didn’t agree with my viewpoint or my decisions I found myself in a toxic shame spiral. I would question my actions, thinking over and over again about how other people interpreted what I did. I needed everyone else to be “fine” in order to feel peaceful, happy and safe. I subconsciously tried to control how people felt. Basically, if I could help someone get to a better spot then I would put all my energy into that! Even if that meant changing who I authentically was to make them feel more comfortable.
Codependency shows up as people pleasing, self sabotage, neglecting your own self repeatedly to ensure everyone else is okay! It looks heroic at times. Some people even admire the helpers. The key is to know what drives you to help. There’s nothing wrong with being a nice, kind-hearted person, but when you’re acting from a place of codependency its toxic for you.
Interdependency is much better for your mind and body! A give and take between two parties that doesn’t feel manipulative or controlling. It’s both parties compromising and helping each other out pretty much equally.
It’s great to love and support friends and family along the way, but it’s ultimately their responsibility to get themselves to the place they need to be. You shouldn’t be fighting for someone’s inner wellness or their happiness more than they are!
I had learned how to live overly codependent from a very young age. It was a protective mechanism for me and a means of survival at one point that I became very accustomed to and subconsciously lived out in every relationship I had. It made me feel safe. I could help people and keep the focus on them. In that I wouldn’t have to expose myself and potentially set myself up for rejection!
My suggestion is to substitute codependent living for interdependence, especially if you want to create some ease for yourself! Go about it however feels right for you. Uproot codependency gently or abruptly. Establish boundaries. Make changes. Disappoint people. Start loving your self better. Start living for yourself and not just for everyone else! By becoming interdependent you’ll end up with more support and you’ll be a better support to yourself!!
We’re all in process. I embrace the years of my life that don’t look the same as today. They were all a part of my process to get to where I am now. I haven’t arrived! I’ll continue the process and embrace my story as I go.
If you’d like to discuss codependency more deeply and how it relates to your life personally please set up a coaching session through this link. For more motivation and positivity follow me on Instagram or Facebook. Thank you for your support!
