[Intro] Hello, welcome to my podcast Empowered to Thrive. I'm so glad you joined me today. I'm your host Corinne Powell. I'm an intuitive mentor and I help people pleasers to find happiness embrace courage and experience peace of mind. 

But say you're not a people pleaser and you're desperate for change and not sure how to make it happen? Then I'm here to help. In this place you're gonna find motivation to live a life full of joy and resilience. We'll talk all things inner wellness and because I'm a mom we'll throw in some knock-knock jokes. I'm just kidding. We'll talk mom hacks and parenting sometimes.

Whether it's your first time here or you listen week after week. I’m wanting you to know, as I’m always wanting you to know, that your life is so significant you are so valuable and I for one I'm happy you are alive.

I hope that you enjoyed today's episode and would you do me a favor? Would you go ahead and subscribe to my podcast? Give me a good rating and write a written review? Any of those three things would help me so very much and I would appreciate it. Enjoy the episode. 

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Corinne Powell: This is the second part of a two-part conversation. You're gonna benefit if you listen to today's episode, even if you haven't heard last week's but if you want to catch the fullness of what we were talking about then you'll definitely want to go back in here last week's episode and then come and listen to today's. Enjoy. 

Corinne Powell: When I got to the place that I was willing to hear what someone else was saying and I realized that I wasn't convinced of my way, it changed things for me. So if I go into a conversation with Evan and I actually think what he has to say could benefit me and could help me. I listen differently, I walk through that experience differently and I come out of it differently. So that's been my focus over the years as I've been healing more and just changing my mindsets. 

I've been having to literally reshape the way I look at life, the way I think, the way I interact and that I know that brought me back to something that I wanted to touch on that Evan talked about. He said he goes into conversation almost with that idea that and this conversation may not be productive. It may not change anything to have this conversation and that mindset, I'll call it a belief, was burst out of his own experiences in his developmental years throughout his childhood, his adolescence. 

That is insightful because we all have formed beliefs ways of thinking, mindsets that could be limiting us. I say could be because it's not all gonna be limiting us but some may be limiting us. As you can identify what those limiting beliefs are, those ways of thinking that are so ingrained in you, but they're actually not serving you, when you can identify them and start to reconceptualize, reform the way that you think and dive deeper into where did that belief, that way of thinking originate and do I want to hold on to that? 

Do I want to carry that or is that something that I should reshape and find some healing for? But I want to know Evan, how has it been for you as you've experienced a different way then was modeled to you? How is that naturally helps you change things? 

Evan Powell: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I typically have very strong opinions about almost everything so. Yeah, I walk into arguments or discussions or just conversation with that like a lot of times opinions are already formed and I realize I value you a lot.

So even though you don't, you don't honestly, I don't think you always articulate as strongly or as well as some people might, definitely I believe I realize in your heart and I watch your life like that. It's really beautiful. So I really want to hear it and I think I've changed a lot from needing to convince you of something.

I believe in you so I can hear it and understand it and I mean I still in there strongly probably very strongly convey my point of view but I'm actually really really wanting to hear your point of view. So I spent a lot of energy asking questions and pulling it out and probably sometimes that's frustrating because we think a lot differently. So I'm leading you to like boil it down into a different package than you normally would deliver it in so my mind can grab hold of it.

But so when you come to the conversation and with you almost always conversations make a big difference as you part ways. Like there's almost like a release or relief or a feeling of I'm understood. Like those things are very normal for you after having discussion.

And so I think it's still surprising for me still which means my belief system is still in process. It's still reshaping itself. But it definitely is powerful for me in that I'm like, wow that definitely had an impact. Maybe I should do it again. 

You know and I feel like most of the time if it's, no that's not really true. I was gonna say usually you initiate the difficult conversations but I don't think that's really true.

I like to go at it sometimes too. 

Corinne Powell: Yeah I definitely like to connect so I might initiate conversations because that but you do too. And I think what Evan was just saying is something that we can each highlight. the fact that if you've experienced something that has burned you or caused you to believe a certain way and you think that will you'll never see another way. You'll never be shown something different than what you already believe. I want to suggest that you give that another chance because perhaps there will be a conversation you'll have with someone where they will hear your heart. Where they will care about what you have to say and if you ever sit with me you're gonna experience that for sure. But I know this isn't exclusive to me.

There are many people who care about what you think, who want to hear your heart. If you never give opportunity for that to happen you'll actually lose out on something. And so I know that what we experience throughout childhood and beyond can really hurt and devastate our hearts.

And we can in some instances especially if you're like me, just shut down close off and say it's it's better to just survive instead of trying to live feeling. But I'm here to say that living in a place where you can feel and where you can be alive within yourself is a better way. 

So Evan what would you say to that because I know that your experience I feel like both of us have kind of come to that place where we're feeling more than ever before. We're living more alive than ever before. So what would you say to that? Is it worth giving it a chance? 

Evan Powell: Oh yeah like the difference between being callous and numb and cold. Basically scared and closed up as opposed to being like experiencing all the highs and lows the difficulties the pain, the happiness, exuberance. Like yeah I think choose life. Choose life. 

It's way better than being half alive or partially dead. Like this it's a lot more I guess it's a lot more painful because there's a lot more joyful. You know it's a lot more difficult because there's a lot lot higher highs and a lot lower lows when you choose to experience it all fully. And like the other option is just kind of the monotony of keeping it cool and collected.

Corinne Powell: Right, protecting yourself from the potential of what it might be but that means you also protect yourself from the potential of those beautiful moments those euphoric moments. And the healing process of course it has very difficult moments but so does life itself. But the euphoric highs of being able to feel fully to be able to experience the beauty of life you cannot touch that otherwise.

You can't experience it without the healing. And that's why I say run towards the healing because living numbed out living dissociating or in denial shutting down your emotions might feel better but really it's not. It's just a denial and a dissociation so it's almost like we're lying to ourself.

Yeah it feels better but it doesn't. Sitting in despair in isolation in depression and anxiety I mean really is that better? But we can be fed the idea that yeah yeah that's better. So I just want you to hear what we're both saying that yes it's been a painful process and naturally okay life is naturally painful.

If I wasn't willing to experience the pain if you call it of childbirth then I may not have my child. If my kids aren't willing to experience the pain of falling down and scraping their knee when they're trying to learn how to ride their bike then they'll never experience the fun of being able to ride their bike having learned it. So anything we're we're learning or relearning or experiencing in a new way or for the first time will have its painful moments but it's also an enhanced way of living and I can say that because Evan and I have really been in a transformative process all these years and so neither one of us is who we were or who we're going to be because we're in this process of transforming.

So with that in mind when you think about who you were ten years ago maybe when we first met which was what 17 years ago like and you think about who you are today as much as there's been difficult moments in the process what are the benefits? Why would you say yeah it's worth it? 

Evan Powell: I definitely feel more deeply known and connected today than than those many years ago but I feel like it just grows and continues to grow. And I think that's like basic human desire right to be known and to be connected as well. 

Corinne Powell: Oh yeah infants infants want that bond with their mother they want that connection sure it is innately in us.

Evan Powell: Yeah so like I think I had a lot of frustration before about not feeling connected and not feeling known too and it had a lot to do with all the life that I was hiding. It wasn't the people around me not being available or even reaching out but it was the closet that I put myself in because of what I was afraid they might see or the fear the reactions I would get when I was seen and known. And yeah like you're saying before a lot of the trauma responses of just showing the best showing what I thought people would want to see.

Like years yeah literally years of working through this these things has taken off layers of that and I got more to go.

But today as I look backwards I guess I see a deep deep connection that I didn't have before that I was really desiring. So a lot more joy because I actually am grabbing hold of what my heart is longing for or what I really want out of life. To experience the moments fully alive, fully connected and known.

And then I get the opportunity to connect with others too and see them come alive. Yeah it's really a different way of doing life at least for many of us who didn't grow up in homes where that was cultivated. And this will be for another episode because shame is something that I think is important to talk about.

But Evan mentioned something that basically he kept things hidden in a closet because of shame. Like shame would say stay hidden, don't let anybody see because what if they see? What are they gonna say? What are they gonna do? What are they? How are they gonna judge you? And I just want to say really quick here like I said we'll talk about shame in another episode. 

But my one of my children today experienced that.  She had done something that she felt was shameful and wanted to hide. And I realized in that exchange with her that I felt nothing negative about what she had done. I just wanted her to understand that she's safe in love and it's okay for her to tell me whatever she needs to tell me and we can hug and go on. 

For her to stay in this in the shame in the for her to stay in that place being shamed actually meant she was being kept from the joy from the peace from the feelings of connectedness that she could otherwise have with me. And so I just want to say to anyone who knows that you know you experience shame in some sort of way and maybe it originated when you were a child and you were told you should feel shamed that you were told you were dirty or you were wrong or that should be kept in a closet or that shouldn't be done or that should be hidden or not talked about.

I want you to know that it is okay to bring that up to tell somebody who is a safe person who's going to embrace you in love and not shame you further. I want you to know that there is nothing that can't be talked about with a person who loves you and cares about you. There's nothing off-limits.

There's nothing that shouldn't be discussed. We need to be able to have connection and community where we are able to talk about anything with another person who is going to help us to walk in a way that's going to be beneficial to us. If you speak with somebody and and they're encouraging you to continue in a way that you know your inner knowing your gut says no no no that's not gonna help me out.

That's not gonna be beneficial but bringing things up usually creates a sense of relief like Evan said yes I do feel better as I've had conversation. I am a verbal processor but aside from that it creates a connection. I feel known.

I feel no longer so isolated. I feel supported. I have somebody that wants to hear my heart or heard my heart who cares about what I have to say who's in it with me.

That makes a difference. So we all have that opportunity. If you don't have anybody in your life where you feel you have that opportunity with then reach out to me because I for sure want you to know that you don't need to go through it alone.

So we're gonna wrap up here but before we do is there anything Evan that you just feel like you know you want to say? 

Evan Powell: I don't know every time I hear you talk it reminds me of things but I feel like another piece of the hiding is also fear. Slightly different than the shame in that I don't know what you're gonna do when you find out.  So are you gonna punish me? Are you gonna reject me? Do you not want to be around me anymore? Do I have to you know do some kind of pittance to get your approval again?. So yeah definitely shame shows up a lot in my life and I think fear of consequences or punishment is pretty strong there too.

I don't know how what I do is going to affect you yet so I try to control the outcome when I think it's gonna be negative. But okay so to circle back around, I think in case anybody was wondering really enjoy being married to you and yeah even I think even the times that I don't enjoy it I'm really happy that you're who you are in my life not just a friend you know I just I definitely feel like I got the best.

Corinne Powell: Well thanks yeah I feel I feel the same way like I was saying to him this morning he's making breakfast and I said you know as much as we have so much of our unresolved trauma still and we came into the relationship with lots more of it there is such a value in who Evan is there is something that really is supreme and I recognize that I have a really amazing man to do life with and I'm grateful.

And it's true marriage isn't easy but the payoffs… so I'm not saying this to encourage anyone in an abusive relationship or in a relationship that is toxic that you should get out of not encouraging you to stay because there's some perks to the relationship. I'm just simply saying it isn't easy all the time but there are also so many beautiful things that I… so many things I gained from our relationship and so much beauty being able to do life together with Evan, with another person who wants to be in my life, who wants to be hearing the things that excite me, the things that depress me, who isn't just a roommate but is somebody very involved in my everyday living 

I don't know as we're going here to wrap it up I realized wow there's so much more we could talk about because there are many things like codependency that I've had to work out of actively in my relationship with Evan so we'll be back on with more at a later time. 

But in closing, I just want to encourage each of you to maybe go back and listen to this episode and pull one thing from it that really was highlighted to you, that stood out to you, that you say “you know what, whether I'm married or not doesn't matter”, there's so much we talked about that's relevant to living to relating in any relationship so take one thing and start to walk it out whatever that looks like whatever that means.

And I just want to encourage you to keep hope alive that no matter what your relationships have been like marriage or otherwise no matter what your childhood was like keep hope alive that better days are available to you that there is another way and it doesn't always have to feel so difficult and so lonely as it may have been.

[Ending] Here we are we've made it to the end. What do you think about what you heard today? Is there something you heard that you know you need to take action on? I'm one of those people who loves to not just sit in here something but to sit in here and then go ahead and start implementing taking action on what I hear, what was stirred up in me and I encourage you to do the same.

If you enjoyed today's episode or perhaps you heard an episode in the past that really stuck with you would you go ahead and share that with some of your friends and your family?

It would mean so much to me and also if you want to connect with me remember you can always find me throughout the week. On Instagram I'm @corinne_changeradically⁠ or you can email me anytime corinne@changeradically.com. I'd love to be in touch and if there's any way that I can help you please seek me out.

Until we speak again next week I hope that you will remember in the moments that are loud and busy and in the moments that are quiet and still that who you are is super important you are valuable and I am so glad that you're alive.