[Intro] Hello, and welcome to my podcast, Empowered to Thrive. I'm your host, Corinne Powell, and I'm the owner of Change Radically.

In this space, we'll talk all things inner wellness, and parenting will certainly come up too, because I'm a mom to four kids, so parenting is a huge part of my life.

This space is designed for safety. Your inner child is welcome. Your past self is invited to listen as well. And no matter what type of day you're having, I want you to know I'm glad to be with you.

I live out of vulnerability and transparency, so come and be. Be yourself. Be messy. Invite a friend, and please stay a while.

Keep coming back. I want you around. Now, let's jump into today's episode.

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Corinne Powell: Happy to have you here with us. Evan is back with me today and we are going to continue talking about all things related to our healing journey. But we're going to talk about it from a different element today. And that is lifestyle and the pace of our lifestyle and how that influences not just our family, but overall living. So hey Ev, thanks for being here.

Evan Powell: I always like hanging with you.

Corinne Powell: So before we dive into the topic today, can you share something with the listeners about yourself?

Evan Powell: Well, my name is Evan and I'm an arborist and I have one lovely wife, four beautiful children and I live in Connecticut. I don't know, do they know all these things already?

Corinne Powell: I have no idea what they know. It all depends on how often they listen and if they stalk us on Instagram.

Evan Powell: Uh huh. I really like connecting with people. I love being outside when it's not cold. And let's see. I like special drinks. Sometimes they could be a milkshake or a coffee, a soda. But I definitely like special drinks. Kabucha. I mean, it's like a big variety, but. I'm not an alcoholic, but I do drink a lot.

Corinne Powell: That's right, you do not enjoy alcohol though. All it does for you is makes you tired and you want to go to sleep. It's not exciting to have a drink with oven with it's got alcohol in it. All right, well that definitely tells us a little bit about you. So cool. So let's jump into a lifestyle. What was the lifestyle of the family you grew up in?

Evan Powell: We were definitely together a lot. I was homeschooled along with four siblings. So that meant at least for us five and typically my mom, sometimes my dad, we spent like all day together pretty much all the time at home. I mean, we definitely had outings, but a normal day meant we were together. We were pretty...health conscious. As far as like we didn't just eat without thought. We definitely were intentional about what we ate. My mother definitely cooked a lot. So it was a lot of homemade things, a lot less processed food. 

And we were very spiritual minded. So pretty much most of what we did, everything that we did, revolved around our consciousness of God and what he thought about us and how he related to us and how we related to him and probably specifically Jesus. And I think most people would recognize his Christian values, the things that Jesus taught that we… aspire to emulate.

Corinne Powell: Mm -hmm.

Evan Powell: I mean, those are probably the things that stand out the most. But I mean, there's there's plenty of other things. You know, we were kind of because we were homeschooled, we were as cultured or affected by the culture around us as what like the latest movies and TV shows and sports and like what was going on in the school systems, like what people kind of aspire to be or do on a day-to-day basis. 

So I feel like we were a little bit insulated from that. Not that that didn't, like we had plenty of friends and connections outside of that, but we weren't saturated in that environment on an eight hour or six hour a day basis like some other kids my age would have been.

Corinne Powell: Okay. Did you guys play sports?

Evan Powell: Yeah, not a lot of organized sports like sports teams, but we definitely were athletic and enjoyed playing sports.

Corinne Powell: Mm-hmm. And for the pace of your life, what type of pace did you guys keep?

Evan Powell: Um...We were pretty scheduled in that, you know, there was a wake up time a lot of times and there was an end time many nights and then there was a lot of things in between that were this needed to be done at this time or this couldn't be done until this time.

Corinne Powell: Mmm.

Evan Powell: We were typically late for most events. Church was a big part of our week and we were pretty much late every Sunday, like religiously. 

Corinne Powell: No pun intended? 

Evan Powell: And, well, I did intend to pun, yeah. 

Corinne Powell: Yeah?

Evan Powell: And, let's see. We did not have an extreme amount, I think, in our schedule. At times we did, but I do feel like there were spaces that didn't have to be filled. And so there was maybe downtime, time that could be optional in the way that we chose to fill it. I had a job at a really early age. 

Corinne Powell: Okay.

Evan Powell: Like definitely by the time I was 12, I was working. With my brother, we had our own business, so that took up a lot of time and energy. And we definitely had a lot of responsibility. So between school and work and extracurricular stuff, chores at home, there was definitely a lot to do.

Corinne Powell: Yeah.

Evan Powell: And being busy, I think, felt like normal and it felt like a plodded, like keeping yourself busy. You know, there was probably a little bit of fear if I told my mom I was bored because she would give me something very constructive to do that I knew I wouldn't want to do. So finding productive things to do on my own was definitely my best interest.

Corinne Powell: Okay. Okay. And when you reflect on our family life with our kids, how would you describe it to somebody?

Evan Powell: Hmm. I think we're pretty intentional about not being too busy. 

Corinne Powell: Mm-hmm.

Evan Powell: And like I mentioned before, not filling up all the space like there was at my house. And I feel like it's pretty easy to do that if you're not intentional, because I feel like there's times in our family culture where there hasn't been space for anything else because we had too many things scheduled. But even in those times, I feel like there's times that we seek to protect, like breaks in between things, whether it be a week break between big events or even like an hour's break between big events.

I think we culturally just try to create spaces to kind of reconnect and kind of process what has, or what we're encountering or what we're experiencing to kind of prepare us for what's next. I think a lot of the things I mentioned, I think we're intentional about what we eat. 

I think we're intentional about what we do. I think we're intentional about where we spend our time. And some of that means like we're kind of asking our kids what their interests are and what they want to do as well, because what they're passionate about also wants to, we want to include that in our plans as well.

I don't think that our days are very scheduled. It feels like less schedule than not and that might possibly be a lot of me because I'm kind of sometimes more spontaneous. Even though I do plan out plenty of things. A lot of my plans I do loosely knowing that there's often interruptions and if I plan them too rigidly, then I'm disappointed and then sometimes the people who are experiencing them are disappointed. So probably some of that is my avoidance of disappointment. 

But I definitely, definitely create space for people to not want to do what's on the activity list or for them to actually have an option to choose in the middle of that.

For instance, if we were all going to go and watch someone play a sport and one person thought that that would be really boring, we're creating space for them to say that. And then, hey, do you want to read during that time? Do you want to play a game during that time? Do you want to go somewhere else during that time? And not mandating it to be a group, necessarily a group event, even though maybe that would be ideal for us. So I definitely feel like we're kind of like not set on doing what we would ideally imagine is preferred, but making sure that other people's opinions and goals and dreams are mattering in the middle of that.

Corinne Powell: Mm -hmm. So when you think about the way you grew up, the life that we've cultivated for our own family or your dream reality…

Evan Powell: Hmm.

Corinne Powell: …what would it look like?

Evan Powell: I think in my dream reality, I actually have a group, I'm like with a group of people, living with a group of people who are actually pretty aware of themselves and what they want. And I don't always feel like my kids especially know that, like what they want out of a situation, out of a day. Saturday morning when Asher has a ton of free time.

He kind of feels, it kind of feels like he walks in circles for hours creating chaos because he doesn't really know what he really wants. And that's true for me as well. I don't always know what I want from a moment or from a day. It's kind of difficult for me sometimes to dream or even imagine what that would be. 

Corinne Powell: Uhhhh

Evan Powell: So I understand his hangup in that. But I feel like that's kind of like where I would retreat to if I were to ask what's the ideal situation that we were invested enough in ourselves and aware enough that we could catch, oh yeah, this would fill me up at this time. And whether that be a space to read or that means going and climbing a tree, then I would be able to support that interest and it would be just a fulfilling time.

Corinne Powell: Mm -hmm. Are there other elements of the ideal dream lifestyle?

Evan Powell: I feel like community is probably a big part of it too that I feel is often missing. I feel like we can be a little bit...maybe cloistered is a word, just like not always having enough energy or space to invite others into our community. I feel like...

Yeah, I don't really know if that's a matter of being more transparent or just having more time or really it's an energy thing, but I often feel like we're not connected enough in a sense. I feel like grandparents are often a big part of community and I always feel like they're a big part of ours. I'm talking about nuclear, like our nuclear family. Obviously there's that, but then when you branch out from that, you know, aunts and uncles and grandparents and um... then you know even beyond that when when they're not available or they're not close enough to participate or even health wise like I feel like there should be other people and I don't always feel like we're… like connected enough to have that. 

And I don't mean just like to go and do things with people. I mean just literally to be with each other, kind of like we are with each other. Where you're comfortable enough just to be with somebody and not have an event planned. Because there's plenty of events planned where we do things with people. So I don't think that's really what I'm thinking of. But just to be still enough to connect on a heart level and to be known and seen it. I don't think there's often space enough, and it may be that other people aren't comfortable enough with that as well, but I think that would be a dream as well.

Corinne Powell: Relationships to just be with, not to necessarily connect because there's an event.

Evan Powell: Yeah, less doing and more being.

Corinne Powell: Yeah. Yeah.

Evan Powell: There's plenty of relationships where I do things with people and less relationships where I can just be with somebody.

Corinne Powell: Sure, sure. I hear ya.

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Corinne Powell: So I was thinking of our lifestyle and how I would describe it before. And I feel like a slower, slower pace, more of a conscientious way of living would be a couple of words I would describe it. 

Evan Powell: Mm -hmm.

Corinne Powell: And perhaps that's my comparison to the pace of other people that I observe or know. Second that, you say, yeah, yeah, yeah, we live a slower pace, more conscientious pace or conscientious way.

Evan Powell: Mm -hmm.

Corinne Powell: Would that be something that you've had to adjust to or when you compare it with how you grew up or did life before you were with me or we had children? Is this been an adjustment or something that's just pretty natural to you?

Like we can't choose the family we're born into, but sometimes who we innately are is what we then live out when we have the choice, when we're in adults and we get to choose our own path. So do you feel like the way you're living out life now is just kind of who you innately are or have you had to craft this lifestyle?

Evan Powell: Mm-hmm. I feel like I'm pretty intentional naturally. I feel like there's always elements I'm always trying to add. Like I see something in somebody and I see the way they live and it attracts me and I think, ooh, how can I replicate that in my world? 

Corinne Powell: Okay.

Evan Powell: But that is my MO more or less. Like I'm always doing that. I probably have always done that. So all that feels intentional to me. And… I think a big adjustment having children is to have to be observant for them as far as what they need and what they want and not expecting them to play along or just participate in whatever goals and aspirations I have. 

That's been an adjustment. Because naturally you are selfish and then you have a wife and you're a little bit less selfish and then you have children and you become...a little bit less selfish. I don't know what's next, but…

Corinne Powell: I'm just reflecting because yeah, that's I can't second that but I'm reflecting on what you said. Yeah. I learned how to not be selfish when I was very young. So it didn't feel like I had to learn that as an adult. I like I had to learn the other way around how to become quote unquote selfish. But anyhow, I definitely hear what you're I got the heart of what you're saying, not living vicariously through your children or the other way around where they have to live out the life you want to live out? Is that kind of what you are saying?

Evan Powell: Yeah, I think as I think of my childhood, if we were going somewhere, then everyone's expected to go and participate. 

Corinne Powell: Yes.

Evan Powell: There really wasn't an option given. Like, all right, do you want to go to church today? 

Corinne Powell: Yes.

Evan Powell: It was like, it's Sunday morning. You need to get dressed. And obviously, there's things in life that everybody probably has to do. Even, but you know, so I'm thinking of school for instance. My children have to participate in school. The government mandates it. 

But even that, they have options. Like is this where you want to school? Are you comfortable learning here? Is this an environment where you're going to thrive? Would you rather be home? Would you rather be... So, it's just a culture where we've created, value for what they think and what they believe and what they want and what they dream of for asking them to participate actively in those activities and expecting feedback. So that's definitely an adjustment.

Corinne Powell: Yes. Yeah. Sure. Yeah, that makes me think, because I think what we're talking about in this moment is probably something that lights me up…It's we give the kids options, say when we're going somewhere, to some event that some of us think will be fun and not everybody wants to go.

Evan Powell: Mm-hmm. 

Corinne Powell: Some of our kids that are getting older, we say, well, then you can stay home and read a book if you'd like. Or maybe if they're younger and they need to come with us, you can bring a book that you want to read while we're there. So they're not having to necessarily engage and participate in what we think will be exciting, but they're going to come along because for whatever reason they need to come along. Maybe they're too young to be left at home, like I said. 

But then there's other instances, like we're going to watch a family movie or we're going to just...Yeah, we're gonna watch a movie. And we come to a point where we all figure out, and sometimes it takes a while, what movie can we decide on together versus this idea that everybody's on their own screens. Like there's something there I'm trying to touch on. I don't know exactly how to articulate it in the moment, that sometimes being given this autonomy and freedom of choice can be really important. 

And then there's other times that I think it's important to pursue how can we go about this together and how can we actually figure out a creative way to make this work for all of us, say with the with the family movie night, right? That we feel like there's some sort of value in having this night where we all sit together and engage in watching this show, we have a memory. We even learned through that how to perhaps give something a chance that we think isn't going to be interesting because someone else is, you know, seems to be very interested in it. And so we give it a chance. And then in the end, we're like, oh, that wasn't so bad. 

I think there's value in both is what I'm trying to bring out. And certainly you and I both say often like, this is our first time doing it. We're not getting it all right. We're learning as we go.

But when us just bringing up some of these things, I guess it gives a space for us and those listening to sit back and reflect. Because it is nuanced and I don't think it's able to just be one way or another way in that that one way is gonna be the right way.

Evan Powell: Mm -hmm.

Corinne Powell: So I'm hearing you say in some ways you've had to learn how to adjust and in some ways just who you innately are is just still a byproduct of how you live now.

Evan Powell: Mm -hmm.

Corinne Powell: Yeah, for me, I feel like a lot of the way we do life as a family is very different. And in contrast to how I grew up, not necessarily the way my family did life. I wouldn't say they lived a really busy lifestyle. But I definitely feel that I chose to live in a busy, full, disconnected way. So I've done this complete turnaround where now I say, all right, I'm actually gonna slow down to be able to notice what I'm feeling and sit with the discomfort of it.

I'm going to slow down the pace of my life so that I'm not depleted and exhausted. I'm going to live in a way that not just gives my children choice, but gives me choice. And I'm going to say no to some things that culturally or personally I feel pressured to say yes to. And I mean, that's infiltrated every area, education, spirituality, mental, physical, emotional. Like it's just infiltrated all of my life. 

And so I'm really glad for where we're at. I know we're growing and we'll be, you know, changing as we go. But where we're at has felt really much more restful and much healthier for me. You've always been skilled at knowing how do you slow it down, knowing how to not rush to the need that you see. So I think in that regard, I've learned a lot just by living the last 14 years close to you, it's impacted me. It's rubbed off on me. It's allowed me to experience a different perspective. So I'm grateful for that.

Evan Powell: Mm -hmm. Yeah, it's like early on as you learn to say no, that was like a big leap, a big hurdle that you cross. I just remember you being, having so many things on your schedule with no space and I'm thinking, how are you still considering that request? Like.

Corinne Powell: Yep, yep, oh yeah. Run late for one thing, be late for everything because there was no space in between anything. Yeah, so speaking of time, we have to wrap up because there are things coming up on the schedule.

Evan Powell: Mm-hmm.

Corinne Powell: But I would love to pick this back up at some point and just talk about the parenting element because I think we started talking about something that really could splinter off into a lot of other great points of conversation. All right, thanks. Thanks, babe.

Evan Powell: Love you

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[Ending] Well, we've come to the end of another episode. Sit back and reflect about what you heard.  What’s the one thing you can resonate with you that you can take away and do something with? 

Let’s not just listen, let’s listen and take action. Now, action may look very different for us but it’s doing something with what we hear. I hope that you will share today’s episode with a friend you think would also enjoy it and please come back next week. 

I hope that you have a fabulous week and that you remember when you pillow your head at night, when you are going through your days, that who you are is good and I am so glad that you're alive.